7.30.2002

I did two very important things today.

First of all, I called Andrew. That's right, I finally did it. And this time he was home.

Ring. Ring. Ring. (Uh oh, he's not home again)
"Hello?" (It's his dad!)
"Hi, can I talk to Andrew please?"
"Sure hold on." (WHAT? HE'S HOME. Definitely not what I was expecting.)
"Hello?" (Whoa - he sounds manly!)
"Hi Andrew. It's Colleen."
"Hi."
"Um...have you seen Goldmember yet?"
"No."
"Oh, well, I was wondering if you would wanna see it with me some time?"
"I don't think so." This is the part where my lungs began to implode and I went into shock. And the worst part is, after he said that, he GIGGLED. AAHHHH!!!!
"Oh. Uh. Okay. Bye."

Really a wonderful portrayal of a desperate little girl on my behalf. If I would've been PREPARED for him being home, it could've went something like this:

Ring. Ring. Ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi. Can I talk to Andrew please?" (Notice how a period marks a pause between the greeting and the question.)
"Sure hold on."
"Thanks." <- politeness takes preparation and confidence to pull off.
"Hello?"
"Hi Andrew. It's Colleen."
"Hi."
"Wow, you sound pretty manly."
"Uh...thanks?"
"How's your summer been going?" <- note attempt to stretch conversation.
"Good. And yours?"
"Good. Have you seen the new Austin Powers movie yet?" <-note avoidance of word "member"
"No."
"Do you think that you might wanna see it?...With me?" <-notice the FLIRTATION. Goddamn flirtation. That's what it's really all about, isn't it?

Perhaps this approach would've won me a date. Perhaps not. I'm sure he has his reasons, as pitiful as they may be. That little fantasy conversation sure is enjoyable to read.

Did I mention that this took place during a little get-together at Grace's house? Grace, Paula, Deana, Carly, and Amanda were there. So after that I was just like, "He said no." And went into the living room to contemplate life. Everyone looked shocked. We were all certain he would say yes. But look on the bright side, at least I called him, right? That's what I always say after I get turned down.

So Grace came in and sat on the couch with me and we talked for about an hour and a half. I am so lucky I met Grace. She abandoned four other guests just to talk to me. I've never had another friend like that.

So we started out about how shocked we were that he said no, then moved on to how we were both going to die alone and unloved. Then we both talked each other out of that and reassured one another that we would find someone. Then we talked about how we couldn't understand our other friends and how parts of our families hate us. Which basically turned into a talk about religion (Grace has a lot of born-agains in her family). And we came up with a pretty good idea. There is a god. There is no hell, because why would the one who loves you condemn you to an eternity of torture. After thousands and thousands of years watching humans senselessly kill each other, I'm sure God has developed tons of patience. So what happens is you're reincarnated over and over again until you learn all of life's leasons. Once you've figured everything out and know how to act and do the right hting, you go to heaven. It's their way of preventing any heavenly deliquents. As long as I think about everything like that, the whole world makes sense to me. It explains EVERYTHING.

Later on Daddio picked me up from Grace's house. And since it was just me and him in the car, I decided it would be the perfect time to discuss my never-to-exist Confirmation. I talked to him very calmly and explained how I knew I was not meant to stay a Catholic and even though I am not religious, I am spiritual. And that's the important thing. He said he's think about it and tell me later. Unlike the Eldabh converation, I think I handled that one fairly well.

Good night. I'm very tired now and I need my rest, for I have been enlightened.