8.26.2002

Wow. Ever since I decided to make this my journal/song notebook/stand up notebook, I haven't written a lot of journal entries. As a matter of fact, I haven't written any journal entries.

I just got back from Carly's house. Yah, I know. She's obviously pissed me off enough for me to write a song about her. I actually feel a little stupid being around her.

I don't think I handled that whole situation very well when it happened back in March. She got mad at me when I went to a "preppy" party because she called as I was just walking out the door and wanted me to come over and sit in her basement and play video games with her. So of course I was like, "Fuhgettaboutit." And then she called me when I got back and complained about how I was "drifting away from her."

Wow I'm getting pissed just thinking about it.

Then she put this whole thing up in her livejournal about how hurt she was and how much she hated me. How I "screwed her up and over." Which is complete bullshit. Then she wrote how she had been Wiccan all year, but she didn't tell me or Grace because she "knew we wouldn't be able to accept it." More bullshit. Remember when I wanted to be Jewish?

Then she was talking to people about ME, looking for advice. She talked to her little internet lesbian friend, Alex, who said I was "shallow." Once again, bullshit. Just because I don't burn incense doesn't mean I'm shallow. Just because I don't spend long hours of the night soul-searching doesn't mean I'm shallow. I'm not depressed, painfully shy, down on myself, abused, molested, homosexual, biracial, Wiccan, schizophrenic, or shallow.

And another thing. Online journals are evil. It seems harmless, you and your buddy reading each other's journals on the web. But then something like this happens. I never write anything of significance in mine anymore. I think I might delete it.

So anyhow, Grace and Amanda were there, also some of Carly's other friends like Alyssa, Kirsten whatever her last name is, and some other girl with crazy hair. So then they wanted to watch this anime thing and wanted us to watch it too.

Now I try to converse with everyone, but anime is something I simply will not get into. This is one thing I feel very strong about. This is one thing I promise myself. I will never get into anime. I'm sure this is EXTREMELY offensive to others, but they're not going to read this so screw them. I don't know what it is about it, except it's just WEIRD. Sure, it's Japanese, but I'm more interested in Japanese culture because it's so advanced like ours, but it's so different. But things that come out of Japan are just ludacris. Look at video games (another thing Carly and her friends were doing in the basement). What is up with that whole Final Fantasy thing? I think there is a line where a normal videogame player is separated from strange ones (aren't they normally strange though?). When you're playing maybe half an hour to an hour a day for the action or something, that's one thing. But when you become obsessed with the storylines adn characters and spend hours playing it, and when you're writing fanfiction about it, that's just strange.

Fanfiction is another strange thing to play around with. If one would read anything I've posted on the web, they'd notice that it is purely silly and only an attempt to gain atention and writing skills. But then you get into these things were these people take these stories very seriously. Sometimes it turns out with very impressive results, just look at "The Thing About Flight."

...Nevermind. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm exhausted. I got up at 6:30 this morning and it's almost midnight. I need to stop slamming innocent people, but it makes me feel better at least.

Perhaps next time I'll say what I mean to.